Me > Landscape Architect

Them > "You gotta come over to my place and look at my front yard."

"oh, I've got TONS of records! Frank Sinatra.... At least 50 of them!"

"Oh… I have a web site… it's not that good."

Oh so you produce TV shows? like Jersey Shore?

So, what exactly does a producer do?

me - graphic designer
them - wow, me too....you know this application called photoshop....it´s great!

you ruined the world

job in hawaii and new job in NY, separate industries. does that make me a scumbag overall?

me - transport planner

them - Why was my train late today?

me - chemist

"So do you make bombs or grow hairs on lemons?"

John

"Oh, ok cool"

a/v for G**gl* and **cebo*k


"Oh I heard you guys get free ________" <(pick one of the following: food, haircuts, oil changes, handjobs, daycare, computers, bicycles...etc)

"Nice, you get to drink on the job?" (Bartender-r)

"Nice, have you heard ______?" (Record label-r)

My initial answer is weighted heavily on the artsy vs. Chad ratio of the situation.

Me: Freelance I.T. guy
Them: Can you look at my laptop? These pr0n0 popups keep happening...

I want to say "Mortician" but I bite my lip.

Me: Sales manager
Them: Zzzzzzzzz

Me: "I really don't want to talk about it, it's boring and depressing."

Them: "No, seriously, I'm interested, tell me about it."

..........ten minutes later.............

Them: *glassy eyed, suicidal look in their eyes* "Uh, right, anyway, I have to go...over there.....for something........"

me: chef
them: "oh really? what's your speciality?"
me: food

"So why do I have so many viruses on my computer...."

Me: (to myself):The pr0n YOU look at...the couponing fuck-shit your wife probably signs up for and the browser toolbar add-ons you BOTH mindlessly install on your machine....

Me: (outloud): The internet is a dirty whore...

Hey,

Here goes:

Me: I'm a college professor

Them: Oh, so you teach? It must be nice to be off all summer.

Then, I have to go on to explain how little a part of my job teaching happens to be. I also do research, mentor doctoral students, sit on editorial boards for five research journals (reading a shitload of papers), serve in leadership capacities in several professional organizations, and so on. My mom still doesn't get what I do.

Peace,

Big Stacks from Kakalak

pause. "No, I meant your job, not your hobby.... Oh, right. Do you make much money?"

Me: Manager in the photo department at a major celebrity magazine.

Them: "Have you ever met Justin/Angelina/J Lo/Clooney?" and "Can you get me a free subscription?"

Me: Urban Planner

"Oh...is that like, playing Sim City?"