(Or: ???22 Two???s 2: Electric Twoogaloo???)1. Two lyrical references to encased meat (Generic Division)- ???Hot, like two links in a skillet??? (Q-Tip from that Tribe b-side or remix or whatever it was)- ???Stretch y???all out like franks on a grill??? (Ghostface in ???Ghost Is Back???)2. Two lyrical references to encased meat (Brand-Specific Division)- ???My shit???s proper / you still sucking my kielbasa / from Hillshire??? (Heltah Skeltah in ???I Ain???t Havin??? That???)- ???Change your attire /and get a farm like Hillshire??? (dude from the Lox in ???Honey [Bad Boy Remix]???)3. Two things that have showed up in my dreams lately:- Annie Lennox- minotaurs4. Two instances of soulstrut karaoke I???d like to see:- pickwick33 doing Blowfly???s ???Rapp Dirty???- Bambouche doing Billy Joel???s ???We Didn???t Start The Fire???(bonus: hogginthefogg doing Little Feat???s ???Dixie Chicken???)5. Two product endorsements I???d like to see (Reggae Division):- Bounty Killer for Doublemint: ???Send fi di new gum!???- Dennis Alcapone for KFC: ???My Secret Recipe Is Insured For Half A Million Dollars???(bonus, Rap Division: Crash Crew for Ferrara Pan: ???When you walkin??? down the street with your / box in your hand / enjoying the taste of some / Cherry Clan??????)6. Two excellent long-form music videos:- Live Squad???s ???Game Of Survival???- Glenn Frey???s ???Smuggler???s Blues??? (unfadeable???-the Things Fall Apart [the book, dude???-not the fucking Roots record] of the genre)(bonus, one really awful one: your boy Don Johnson???s ???Heartbeat,??? freaturing the ill leather jumpsuit/cummerbund combo)7. Two sublime vocal moments:- Cory Daye in Dr. Buzzard???s ???New York At Dawn???: The unexpectedly contemporary and bittersweet twist she puts in the way she sings ???they call you Mister Lucky??? pokes a hole in the song???s retro vibe, and you can see that she knows that in going with this guy she???s about to take her place in a very long line...but that she???s going anyway.- Mary J. Blige in ???Real Love???: In the last verse, when she sings ???I can be your all and all,??? whatever happens in the space of the wordless thing she sings in place of the ???and??? creates this little turnaround that is small but just infinite. It???s fatal and optimistic, knowing the worst and hoping the best, sinking even as it's lifting off, all at the same time; it???s the whole song???-whole lives--contained in half a second. I???ve heard it a thousand times and it still gives me the chills. (Side note: ???Real Love??? is easily one of the ten best songs of the last twenty years.)8. Two weak lyrical threats:- ???I???ll scratch your whip with a key or a pen / If you get it painted, I???ll scratch it again!??? (Milk D in [I think] ???Rude & Cocky???)- ???We know karate!??? (Soul Sonic Force in ???Who Do You Think You???re Funkin??? With????)9. Two baseless epithets for particular types of record dudes (I love all y???all, though!):- Comfortable white dudes who are way into African music: ???ivory coasters???- New-jack disco enthusiasts with encyclopedic knowledge of back-in-the day playlists but no real vision: ???Mancuso-so???s???(bonus: dudes who got into Folkways last year because they heard it was cool, and now won???t shut the fuck up about it: ???Asch-holes???) 10. Yeah, that???s right:- Bruce Hornsby- Mike + The Mechanics11. Two great songs I???ve heard booming out of cars in my neighborhood:- Dreamer G???s ???I Got That Feeling???- Juan Luis Guerra???s ???Ojala Que Lleuva Caf????? 12. Two really terrible songs I???ve heard booming out of cars in my neighborhood:- Ronnie Dyson???s "(If You Let Me Make Love To You Then) Why Can't I Touch You?" (The driver was this big flabby dude, singing along and overemoting, with hand gestures and everything. I wanted to go shower.)- Elton John???s ???Dance Into Christmas??? (In fucking April!)13. Two things for which middle-aged black ladies have expressed incredulity at my purchasing:- Maze???s Live In New Orleans (???Now, what do you know about this record?!???)- A cake dome (This was really some shit--two of ???em good-cop/bad-copped me at an estate sale: Lady #1: [Angrily] ???Aw, I saw that earlier, and was coming back just now to buy it. Shoot. Come on, let me buy it--what are you gonna use it for anyway???? Lady #2: [Sweetly] ???He probably just collect antiques, don???t you, honey? You???re gonna set it out at your house or something???? Me: ???No, ma???am???-I???m going to use it the next time I bake a cake.??? [Exeunt])14. Two records that would, I feel, have been improved by my involvement:- ???James (Makes You Want To Hustle)"- ???James Without Frontiers???(bonus: James, Dames, and Guitar Thangs)15. Two dubious twelve-inches I bought just to get the instrumentals:- Ghostface???s ???Tush???- Lil??? Zane???s ???Money Stretch???16. Two dubious things I bought just to get the remixes (neither of which proved to be worth it):- A Technotronic(!) cassette(!!), for some Dust Brothers remix- A Brandy single, for some Latin Rascals remix17. Two good things that came from teen years spent tirelessly dubbing shit onto cassette:- I got used to weird combinations. Danzig on one side, B-52s on the other. Auto-reverse. All afternoon. It???s nothing. - My hand-lettering game is still decent.18. Two bad things that came from teen years spent tirelessly dubbing shit onto cassette:- Questionable decisions made in desperate moments, made worse by the involvement of questionable tastes, e.g. panicking when Urban Dance Squad wouldn???t fit on one tape and subsequently making room for the overage by taping over one side of a Public Enemy cassingle. Oof.- No liner notes, dude.19. Two of the most attitudinal voices in music:- Milk D-Tom Petty20. Real heads know:- Couple???s Skate- ???It???s loud in here???do you wanna go out on the porch???? 21. Two songs I have to censor when I sing them to my three-year-old:- ???Waltzing Matilda??? (I leave out the part about the ghost)- ???My Friend Goo??? (I leave out the part about the underwear)22. Two perfect verses:- The first verse of ???Shook Ones Part II???- Big Daddy Kane???s verse on the demo version of ???Raw???23. Two songs that use seeing someone in their stocking feet to connote intimacy:- Don McLean???s ???American Pie???: ???I know that you???re in love with him / ???cause I saw you dancing in the gym / You both kicked off your shoes???- Built To Spill???s ???Twin Falls???: ???Cafeteria / Harrison / Elementary / beneath the parachute / I saw her without shoes???24. Two musical equivalents of the Western Lowland Gorilla (whose scientific name is Gorilla gorilla gorilla):- ???Mandrill??? by Mandrill on Mandrill- ???Mango??? by Mango on Mango(bonus, 45 Division: ???Black Horizon??? by Black Horizon on the Black Horizon label)25. The two singles that have had the most profound impact on my life:- ???Planet Rock???- ???Welcome To The Terrordome???26. Two performers whose stage names are actually less compelling than their government names:- Elgin Lumpkin- Slinger Francisco27. Two things I have, at one time or another, kicked:- slanguistics- Afrolistics(bonus: lately I???ve been fucking around a little with some encaustics)28. Two cryptic things overheard
in transit:- ???wearing a derby and farting???- ???a lot can go wrong with a McChicken???Please add on. I know you got some shit.
in transit:- ???wearing a derby and farting???- ???a lot can go wrong with a McChicken???Please add on. I know you got some shit.
