Wedding Strut

[mannybolone]

Fact is you're going to be in the 20-30k range for a half decent wedding.

All respect due but it all depends on what you mean by "half decent."

If you're going to go the route of having a conventional wedding, by which I mean, "shit you see in popular culture," then yeah, it's going to be expensive. I mean, there's a reason why the wedding industry is a multi-billion dollar one; people expect to pay a heavy chunk of change and there's a gazillion different vendors out there clamoring to get a piece of it.

But when you get away from the boilerplate "fairytale" wedding, there's just a lot of different ways to do it. Some are expensive, many are not, at all. It all depends on what you want your wedding to be like.

Real talk: I've been to a lot of those weddings - more than I care to remember. The vast majority of them were - from an attendee's point of view - dull, even tedious. The amount spent on the wedding didn't make a difference at all.

I do think the size of the wedding is more determinant than price; the bigger you get, the more likely you have to concede to certain conventions. A good wedding - from an attendees point of view - is based largely on the chemistry of the collected guests and for real: that's pretty fucking hard to achieve in many cases when you're mixing people you *need* to invite vs. people you *want* to invite. With my wedding, we happily agreed: no extended family. We had a separate banquet for that which made them happy. And we got to have a small wedding of all friends plus our immediate family and that made us happy. Win-win.

This reminds me: one of the best "bigger" weddings I've been to was Justin's. It was a big mix of friends and family, but the energy was just good. My only regret is that I had to leave early to get my then-infant daughter home for bed. I'm assuming their wedding wasn't cheap but it wasn't the money that made it good.

 

[mannybolone]

Damn, coming from a world of weddings ala Oliver's this thread is eye-opening.

Saying mang, in about 10-15 years, you might have to sell off your *cough cough* collection to pay for your wedding.

 

[spelunk]

Fact is you're going to be in the 20-30k range for a half decent wedding.

All respect due but it all depends on what you mean by "half decent."

If you're going to go the route of having a conventional wedding, by which I mean, "shit you see in popular culture," then yeah, it's going to be expensive. I mean, there's a reason why the wedding industry is a multi-billion dollar one; people expect to pay a heavy chunk of change and there's a gazillion different vendors out there clamoring to get a piece of it.

But when you get away from the boilerplate "fairytale" wedding, there's just a lot of different ways to do it. Some are expensive, many are not, at all. It all depends on what you want your wedding to be like.

Real talk: I've been to a lot of those weddings - more than I care to remember. The vast majority of them were - from an attendee's point of view - dull, even tedious. The amount spent on the wedding didn't make a difference at all.

I do think the size of the wedding is more determinant than price; the bigger you get, the more likely you have to concede to certain conventions. A good wedding - from an attendees point of view - is based largely on the chemistry of the collected guests and for real: that's pretty fucking hard to achieve in many cases when you're mixing people you *need* to invite vs. people you *want* to invite. With my wedding, we happily agreed: no extended family. We had a separate banquet for that which made them happy. And we got to have a small wedding of all friends plus our immediate family and that made us happy. Win-win.

This reminds me: one of the best "bigger" weddings I've been to was Justin's. It was a big mix of friends and family, but the energy was just good. My only regret is that I had to leave early to get my then-infant daughter home for bed. I'm assuming their wedding wasn't cheap but it wasn't the money that made it good.
Real talk, especially as attendees go.

If you're gonna drop $$$$$, I'd go the Bizzo Kauai route. That looked like a LOT of fun from the photos.

But my parents wedding cost the price of their rings and I don't own a suit so what do I know.

I will say two things:

1) Do not doubt how incredible wedding potluck food can be. I mean if you're inviting people who you're really close to they will step their game up HARD. Hands down the best wedding food I've had has been potluck-style. In contrast I don't think I have ever had a catered meal that actually impressed me, even thinking back to the most balleur of weddings I've been to.

2) There is a HUGE difference between paying some company/caterer/whatever a lot of money for your event and paying a friend whose a bartender/photographer/caterer/DJ, whatever. I would be very hesitant to do the former, but would gladly pay and tip generously the latter. It drives me crazy when people are planning large events and spend all this money on some company they picked off the internet and then ask the homie to do a favor for free/a discount because they're trying to cut costs. Pay the homie, bargain hard with the others.

 

[cpeetz]

One thing we did that was really awesome, and not a huge amount of money, was a photobooth. EVERYONE got in there, and we have some great memories of our friends and family on film that the actual photographer wouldn't have caught as they were just focusing on us.

This is a great idea!!! My wife & I are getting remarried next yr on our 10th anniversary and I am totally gonna ask for permission

to have this. Great idea Paycheck!!

I tried this one out a few years ago:

http://usnaps.com/


It takes fairly impressive pictures for a booth.
This is my buddy Jimmy's company, dude is solid as solid gets.
He's based out of Seattle give him a shout!

 

[The_Hook_Up]

So glad my girl brought up the fact she just wants the courthouse and then dinner and drinks with her mom(the only parent involved since mine have passed away) and only our best friends. We both decided it was better to spend the $ on a kick ass honeymoon than a big wedding. Yay for having a girl that hasn't been planning her wedding since she was 7!

 

[Jonny_Paycheck]

Here comes the blowback.

There are a lot of ingredients to a wedding and it's seldom just the stereotypical bridezilla that forces certain issues. That is some borderline sexist shit right there that any girl who wants something more than a courthouse or a backyard BBQ has been brainwashed by pop culture, advertising, and fairytales. At the end of the day the best thing you can do is stay true to yourselves and throw the best party you know how to. But it's seldom as simple as all that. For us:

- we rented a huge, beautiful old brownstone off prospect park that has functioned as a social club in various forms since the 19th century. They did all of the food in house and provided unlimited liquor all night. This was a key savings as we like to drink - a lot - and liquor buys can get very pricy. We held the ceremony upstairs and the reception downstairs (another savings) and the feeling was very much one of being in this big old house. Not a hall or club.

- we got generous help from the families. That said, of course we had to invite some folks we might not have otherwise. But in the end, that was beautiful... So many different people from all over, getting down and celebrating together. I don't regret it.

- we did contract a day-of planner. In-fucking-valuable, if you are corralling 100 or so folks and trying to have it all go off without a hitch.

- Every aspect of the event had the personal stamp of working with friends. I totally encourage it. Everyone got paid and we didn't get extorted. Be creative - we had a graphic designer friend do the invitations, despite that he doesn't ever do shit like wedding invitations because he doesn't have to.

- Most important to me was not just that my wife was happy, but that our folks - who had never met before that week - were. I don't regret a cent of the money when I look back on it. And we keeep getting told, "that was the best wedding I've ever been to" by friends, thanks no doubt in part to Mr BCause killing it on the music, but also to the personal touches and the love in that place. That's what it's all about IMO.

 

[pcmr]

i am having a brunch for the ''must'' attendees
and only the people we really want to be there
i got a ridiculous deal on the room but 30k for a half decent wedding is my budget tenfold

as far as food my dad is one of the greatest cooks (french/senegal) i have ever tasted and he will go all out for his son...a matter of principle.

the thing about pop culture is mostly the expectations...
my sisters are hatting and speaking on how their wedding won't be like ours...great...we will just spend our money on travelling and helping out NGO's

but no knock on the costs because like johnny said shit adds up
we got very lucky

 

[The_Hook_Up]

I didnt mean to be sexist in all in what I said...I was actually going on personal experience. I once had this girlfriend who decided one day to show me something, it was an entire fucking cedar chest FILLED with wedding magazines, catalogs, fabric samples, etc that she had been compiling forever. Scary shit to a dude who has been dating a girl for a few months. I know, not every girl who wants a big wedding is a crazy bitch like that girl was...but at the end of the day I realize that the wedding is ultimately for the guests...that is why so much thought and expense goes to feeding them amazing food, giving them an impeccable atmosphere, providing great entertainment, etc...Although I havent gotten married yet, even if I did have the big wedding, I would think the biggest and most lasting memories would had been seeing my parents happy at the occasion (something I will never be able to see, not trying to garner sympathy, just being real in the fact that it isnt something I can attain) and looking into my ladies eyes as the words "I do" come out...something that no one but myself can experience.

Everybody's experience, expectations, needs and wants are different...I would never say in a situation like marriage that there is a "right" way and a "wrong" way, I just hope I didnt come off like that.

 

[Jonny_Paycheck]

No, it wasn't directed specifically at you... just a general vibe throughout the thread and combine that with some real life experience.

I was a guy who never gave a shit about nor wanted a typical "big wedding". But my wife wanted it to be something more than what I did and I am glad I acquiesced. Nothing better than helping to make your wife-to-be's dreams come true.

[/corn]

 

[mannybolone]

Here comes the blowback.

There are a lot of ingredients to a wedding and it's seldom just the stereotypical bridezilla that forces certain issues. That is some borderline sexist shit right there that any girl who wants something more than a courthouse or a backyard BBQ has been brainwashed by pop culture, advertising, and fairytales. At the end of the day the best thing you can do is stay true to yourselves and throw the best party you know how to. But it's seldom as simple as all that.

Yo, since you're quoting terms I used back to me, let me point out that I never assigned gender roles here. The conventional wedding is something that both men and women (though, especially women) get pitched from birth. I certainly wasn't talking some bridezilla shit - I think the ways in which couples choose their wedding can be a result of personal desire or familial pressure or social conformity, or, in most cases, some combination.

Regardless, whatever issues I have with the modern wedding industry and social conventions shouldn't be construed as a critique on anyone's individual wedding steez. I've been to some great weddings that followed the conventional script. I've been to some great ones that totally went in a different direction.

As you point out, at the end of the day, what matters is what the bride and groom want for themselves (alas, I know too many couples who sacrificed that in order to please others, usually their family).

In any case, my original point though was to respond to Maru's suggestion that you need to lay out enough money to buy a new car in order to have a "half decent" wedding. This isn't going at Maru in any way but seriously, I call bullshit on that. If you want to have an open bar, have a catered dinner, rent out a ballroom, etc etc, then yes, it will be expensive. But none of that has much to do with having a "half decent" wedding.

A decent wedding is one where the couple and their guests have a good, memorable time. Money can't buy that.

 

[mannybolone]

DJ'ed at a 15k wedding that had location, food, drinks and staff covered in a medieval castle. Fiya.

I read that as $15,000 but then I realized, you probably meant 15,000 people.

 

[Jonny_Paycheck]

Oliver I wasn't intentionally tracing words back to you; but the gist I have gotten upthread is a sort of self-satisfied pride at not spending any money. The advice I would give to analog_tape is that to me, the money wasn't even important. We set a budget, but $100 or $10,000 wasn't the issue.

This is (ideally) a once in a lifetime event... I happen to have paid for my portion of it with two year's worth of doing wedding gigs. It was a sacrifice to be sure, but not one I would've made to - using your example - buy a car. It's not like I took out a bank loan. I also flew myself a few places with the miles I accrued on ye olde credit card.

I guess all of this is just to say that you are exactly right, it's all about you and your guests being happy and enjoying themselves and that has no price tag. But I don't give someone props or congrats for saving money on their wedding like it was car insurance!

 

[maru]

Fact is you're going to be in the 20-30k range for a half decent wedding.

All respect due but it all depends on what you mean by "half decent."

If you're going to go the route of having a conventional wedding, by which I mean, "shit you see in popular culture," then yeah, it's going to be expensive. I mean, there's a reason why the wedding industry is a multi-billion dollar one; people expect to pay a heavy chunk of change and there's a gazillion different vendors out there clamoring to get a piece of it.

But when you get away from the boilerplate "fairytale" wedding, there's just a lot of different ways to do it. Some are expensive, many are not, at all. It all depends on what you want your wedding to be like.

Real talk: I've been to a lot of those weddings - more than I care to remember. The vast majority of them were - from an attendee's point of view - dull, even tedious. The amount spent on the wedding didn't make a difference at all.

I do think the size of the wedding is more determinant than price; the bigger you get, the more likely you have to concede to certain conventions. A good wedding - from an attendees point of view - is based largely on the chemistry of the collected guests and for real: that's pretty fucking hard to achieve in many cases when you're mixing people you *need* to invite vs. people you *want* to invite. With my wedding, we happily agreed: no extended family. We had a separate banquet for that which made them happy. And we got to have a small wedding of all friends plus our immediate family and that made us happy. Win-win.

This reminds me: one of the best "bigger" weddings I've been to was Justin's. It was a big mix of friends and family, but the energy was just good. My only regret is that I had to leave early to get my then-infant daughter home for bed. I'm assuming their wedding wasn't cheap but it wasn't the money that made it good.
you're right. i should clarify by saying that you can have a half decent wedding no matter what you pay. i just meant if you want to have a stereotypical wedding (nice venue, good food and drink, good photographer), you're going to end up in that range for a guest list of 150+. the guest list is definitely the determining factor in terms of cost.

 

[The_Hook_Up]

I want to use this thread to cry about cheap ass couples who ask you to DJ their wedding then balk at your price. I'm a cheap wedding DJ, I charge $600. Most people have been cool with that but sometimes I get an exasperated "but were on a budget" shit...sorry but I expect to be paid as much as you paid for the friggn centerpieces.

 

[twoply]

Nothing better than helping to make your wife-to-be's dreams come true.

[/corn]

I suspect that's only corny to someone who doesn't know how it feels. My fianc?e has a few "musts" for our wedding and I'll do whatever I can to make them happen for her, whether they appeal to me or not.

Right now we're in the process of prioritizing which expenses to pay for without question and which ones we can cut corners on. Having connections to photographers, DJs, designers, etc. is invaluable. We'll most likely be having it on a nice piece property belonging to friends of my family and we're limiting it to close friends and family (fewer than 100, ideally). Where I think we'll spend the most money, aside from dress/suit expenses, is catering. I think the quality food and drink can make a huge difference in the guests' level of enjoyment.

 

[Jonny_Paycheck]

One rule of thumb that we obeyed, and this is obviously different depending on the setting, is people don't eat, or at least remember, food at weddings. There's a lot of making it from table to table, and dancing, and talking, and drinking... people generally spend a ton on food so they can have a really nice few options on the menu but end up with picked-at, half-eaten plates when people jump up to hit the dancefloor or move around to talk to their friends or congratulate the couple or what have you.

Whereas, unless you have a particularly dry set of friends/relatives... don't skimp on booze. People go to weddings to drink for free. It may sound cynical but it's the truth.

 

[Big_Stacks]

Whereas, unless you have a particularly dry set of friends/relatives... don't skimp on booze. People go to weddings to drink for free. It may sound cynical but it's the truth.

The same applies to university's/companies' receptions at research conferences. Open bar is what's up, and folks are still talking about my academic department's party at the Academy of Management Conference from a few years ago (held at some nice restaurant/bar with good food too).

Booze brings the masses together regardless of context.

Peace,

Big Stacks from Kakalak

 

[twoply]

Maybe that says something about me, because I generally remember food I've had at weddings if it's good.

 

[mannybolone]

Oliver I wasn't intentionally tracing words back to you; but the gist I have gotten upthread is a sort of self-satisfied pride at not spending any money.

Naw, that wasn't my intention at all. I was just trying to point out that asking about how much a wedding costs is hard to answer because those costs vary incredibly; there's no "average" price. I'm not "proud" at what my wedding went for. (I am glad, however, it didn't cost so much since we were also new parents.) But since the question was about cost, I think it's relevant to note that weddings do not have to be inherently expensive affairs even though the majority of them have gone in that direction.

I don't begrudge what people spend on weddings so long as they're getting what they want out of it. That said, I do think it kind of sucks when people spend a grip on a wedding and everyone involved is mad stressed; I've seen that happen too many times.

But I don't give someone props or congrats for saving money on their wedding like it was car insurance!

Geico Weddings: 15 minutes could save you $15,000 or more!

 

[mannybolone]

Maybe that says something about me, because I generally remember food I've had at weddings if it's good.

I would just cosign that the quality of food is, to me, secondary. I guess it depends though; when my sister in law got married, she had her friend cater it but she also hired the In N Out truck to set up outside the house. That was great, I thought, since you could eat fancy or you could eat burgers but either way, you had good food options. But outside of something like that, if the steak or chicken you offer isn't up to 3 star quality, no one's really going to trip one way or another.

My #1 gripe about conventional weddings is that they're overly scheduled. Everything has a set time or place and that kind of regimentation doesn't remind me of a good party. It reminds me of flying on an airplane and being told when you can or can't do things. So personally, the weddings I like best are the ones that are more freeform in structure (i.e. like a party).