Rep your dumbassedness.

Oh man...when you've got the memory recall of a goldfish, you quickly amass a metric butt load of examples of dumassedness.





I'll just leave this here http://www.soulstrut.com/index.php/forums/viewthread/75720/ and promptly see my dumb ass out of this thread.





PS-Fuck pro flowers, they are overpriced and often times the product is absolute shit. Just hit up google.com for some local flower shops in the area you want to have flowers sent to...they will be cheaper and will normally be much better...and local business support blahblahblah.
 
Most times I believe I am living the "Shred" version of the OG life I am supposed to have.





Complete with "Spastic" clapping.
 
tabira said:I was buying a helium balloon for my 5 year old daughter. Nothing more innocent right?





The wind was blowing almost horizontally, and really, really strong. A about 60-80 balloons were densely packed together in a huge flock, attached it seemed by strings to a railing. It appeared that the only seller was nearby but busy talking to a customer. My daughter asked for the horse shaped balloon which seemed to be the hardest one to reach - right in the centre of the pack and on the longest string very high up. I jumped to reach it and gave it a sharp yank down. Suddenly the whole tangled pack of balloons appeared to free themselves from their moorings and speed off down the street in the gale-force wind. I went AWOL and started running after them shouting "Stop the balloons!" as if they were guilty of murder. I finally caught up with them and dived into the pack to grab onto the tangled mass of strings, but instead landed on the shoulders of the seller's assistant who was totally obscured in the middle as he pulled the pack down the street to sell. Totally shocked he jolted back and looked me like as if I was some escaped inmate from mars. A stander-by had witnessed the whole scene from start to finish and was splitting his sides with laughter having correctly understood why I was behaving in this way. He did his best to explain to the seller but understandably he wasn't having any of it. I went back to to my wife and daughter who were also looking at me totally bemused, and almost ashen faced suggested we buy some balloons from a different seller. A moment of madness that all took place in the space of about 15 seconds.




Holy shit, that must have been a thing of beauty to witness. Did you get stuck paying for the lost balloons?
 
JectWon said:


PS-Fuck pro flowers, they are overpriced and often times the product is absolute shit. Just hit up google.com for some local flower shops in the area you want to have flowers sent to...they will be cheaper and will normally be much better...and local business support blahblahblah.




Yeah, local spots were either closed when I needed to order them or couldn't guarantee delivery. Unfortunately, the delivery she got from 1-800 looked like they had been stomped on and snapped in half by the delivery driver. (Mothers' Day gift for my sis.) They refunded me quickly though.
 
Oh yeah! Some lovely anecdotes in this thraed. But this is my specialist area.


In February I tried to take a Cold & Flu capsule on the tube, but did so attempting not to touch it with my fingers as there was a lot of Norovirus around at the time and I didn't want to combine my cold with a stomach disorder. Anyway, literally hamfistedly & using only my knuckles, I managed to split the capsule and spill white powder all down my face and onto my lap. There was a woman opposite me, watching.


The incident that takes the biscuit occurred about 10 years ago. I was driving home from college and for some absolutely unknown reason (a moment of madness, as all the best dumbass moments are) I decided to get out of the car whilst waiting stationary at some traffic lights (I may have wanted to check my rear tyre to see if it was adequately inflated?) and absentmindedly locked the door behind me. The engine was still running of course. The lights changed to green and I was rattling the door handle in a tragic and futile manner. I shouted to a passer-by "excuse me, do you know how to break into a car?" (he walked on by) and I shrug-gestured to the cars behind me who were by now steering around my stupid locked car. Thankfully (!) I noticed a half brick by the side of the road and used it to smash the quarterglass on the rear side and reached in to open the door. Then got in and drove off, sweating.
 
JectWon said:tabira said:I was buying a helium balloon for my 5 year old daughter. Nothing more innocent right?





The wind was blowing almost horizontally, and really, really strong. A about 60-80 balloons were densely packed together in a huge flock, attached it seemed by strings to a railing. It appeared that the only seller was nearby but busy talking to a customer. My daughter asked for the horse shaped balloon which seemed to be the hardest one to reach - right in the centre of the pack and on the longest string very high up. I jumped to reach it and gave it a sharp yank down. Suddenly the whole tangled pack of balloons appeared to free themselves from their moorings and speed off down the street in the gale-force wind. I went AWOL and started running after them shouting "Stop the balloons!" as if they were guilty of murder. I finally caught up with them and dived into the pack to grab onto the tangled mass of strings, but instead landed on the shoulders of the seller's assistant who was totally obscured in the middle as he pulled the pack down the street to sell. Totally shocked he jolted back and looked me like as if I was some escaped inmate from mars. A stander-by had witnessed the whole scene from start to finish and was splitting his sides with laughter having correctly understood why I was behaving in this way. He did his best to explain to the seller but understandably he wasn't having any of it. I went back to to my wife and daughter who were also looking at me totally bemused, and almost ashen faced suggested we buy some balloons from a different seller. A moment of madness that all took place in the space of about 15 seconds.




Holy shit, that must have been a thing of beauty to witness. Did you get stuck paying for the lost balloons?




My depiction of events probably wasn't clear, but nothing was lost because the balloons weren't actually blowing away as I thought. They only appeared that way because the small-framed seller who was dragging them down the street was totally obscured by them as they billowed about in the wind and fallen leaves. I thought I had yanked them all free when I tried to pull one of them because it was precisely at this moment that he decided to walk (very briskly) down the street taking them all with him in the same direction as the wind. I thought I was about to be responsible for losing all his stock which is why I went a little crazy and leapt on them, only to land on his shoulders....
 
Once back in my youth me and a friend were feeling the urge to catch a buzz but had nothing but empty pockets to our name. We were looking through his parents medicine cabinet in search of anything that might work and he came upon his mom's bee pollen capsules. "It's supposed to give you energy, let's try snorting it!". Sure, why not, I'm 18 and shit-stupid. We proceed to empty a couple of capsules and chop them into lines. Literally as I inhale the line of pollen the thought crosses my mind, "I have pretty bad hay fever, I wonder if this is a good idea?"





It wasn't. I must have sneezed non-stop for 2 hours. I will say, I was quite lightheaded for awhile there, so Mission Accomplished!
 
batmon said:Cutting Habaneros and then go jerk off.




Mincing up jalapenos and garlic and stuff, then taking your contacts out. "My eyes! The hand-washing does nothing!"





BONUS BEATS: Even after a good soak and a thorough rinse-off, my contacts still burned like hell when I tried to put them in the following day. Genius, I tells ya.
 
I do this kind of dumb ass stuff everyday all day. As I have proven here many times.





The Atari Breakout thread reminded me of a stupid stupid thing I did back when I was 17 or so, summer of '73.





My buddy and I hitchhiked to Santa Fe and spent the summer living in my brothers dirty movie theater, when we were not out in the desert helping some of his friends build a house.


Knowing that pot was cheaper in NM a friend of my buddies gave him $200 to pick up a kilo and freight it back to him by Greyhound.


We got it, put it in a box and went to the Greyhound station all kinds of suspect.


To take any suspicion away from our box we told the agent that we were mailing Navajo rugs back.


In our stupidity we didn't think how much more valuable rugs were than pot.


His buddy received an empty box.





But the Greyhound station had something we never saw before.


Pong.


We only had a few dollars which soon belonged Atari.
 
I'm sure all Soul Strutters know there is nothing better for keeping flowers fresh than a tablespoon of bleach and a spoonful of sugar,


so I half- filled an empty Pellegrino bottle with water from the tap, added bleach and sugar, shook it and poured it into the vase.





There was some left in the biotlle and liike a true dumbass I left it on the kitchen sideboard. ( You know where this is going but stay with it for useful health and safety advice)





Following morning, half asleep, running late and thirsty while rushing to iron a shirt, I swigged it without thinking. The split second I gulped it I realized what I had done but down it went, burning my throat all the way.





I told my girlfriend immediately and she started Googling frantically for what to do. In the meantime, not wanting to wait around for medical advice I did some things right and some things wrong.





Right: I swallowed at least five full glasses of fresh cold water immediately to dilute it. (My stomach felt like it was going to burst).


Wrong: I put my fingers into my throat to make myself sick.





What I learned:


Stomach acid is very strong. Bleach is a moderately strong alkali.


Diluting the bleach by drinking water was right and I should have just left it there as the stomach acid and alkali bleach neutralized each other. Bringing it up again by making myself sick just rinsed the bleach through my oesophagus a second time ( and it burned again!).





My throat and stomach felt a little uncomfortable for the rest of the day but apart from that I felt fine, but stupid.
 
LaserWolf said: we told the agent that we were mailing Navajo rugs




"oh did I say drugs? I meant Navajo rugs..."





brilliant!
 
The time I yelled this like 10 feet away from Matt Damon at a small bar in Cambridge.





"Loooook whoooooit isssssssssss the talented mr ripleyyyy...."





he was not amused
 
Another good one from a few years ago...





We took my Grandmother out for Chinese food for her birthday. We ordered the usual pu-pu platters and such.





So you know those sterno things they light in the middle of the platter?





After we put the flame out my grandmother dipped a spare rib in to the purply sauce and almost ate one. before yelling to warn her
 
Fresh Blueberry Pankakes said:The time I yelled this like 10 feet away from Matt Damon at a small bar in Cambridge.





"Loooook whoooooit isssssssssss the talented mr ripleyyyy...."





he was not amused




One day I hope to run into Ben Affleck so I can yell... "Affleck! You the bomb in Phantoms yo!"
 
The_Non said:Home alone one time and the phone rings. I told my (dearly departed) dog in a loud voice "I'll get it!"


In my defense, he was really smart.




I say "bless you" when my dogs sneeze. I feel like a jackass every time.
 
running 5 gf's right now


no i'm not lying


that in of itself qualifies for dumbass and just too much.


totally shook of my celly doin' me in even though i try to keep it locked and or with me at all times-which is not easy when laying back in the crib


i'm waiting for it as any bachelor knows the cell is your gateway to booty calls and destruction____like ,say at dinner when i'm showing "her" something online on my phone and that heated_______"i wish you were spanking me right now" text comes thru from another while she has my phone in her hand


it hasn't happened yet but i know my cell is gonna cause mad estrogen drama trouble any minute now.


gonna trim it down to 1 real soon.
 
kala said:running 5 gf's right now


no i'm not lying


that in of itself qualifies for dumbass and just too much.


totally shook of my celly doin' me in even though i try to keep it locked and or with me at all times-which is not easy when laying back in the crib


i'm waiting for it as any bachelor knows the cell is your gateway to booty calls and destruction____like ,say at dinner when i'm showing "her" something online on my phone and that heated_______"i wish you were spanking me right now" text comes thru from another while she has my phone in her hand


it hasn't happened yet but i know my cell is gonna cause mad estrogen drama trouble any minute now.


gonna trim it down to 1 real soon.




I think you meant to drop this in the "shit strutters are doing i wish i was " thread"
 
batmon said:Cutting Habaneros and then go jerk off.




Did something like that. Instead I went and took a piss. It was when my wife and I were just dating and we were at a dinner party. When I came back from the bathroom and went back to cutting my eye started swelling up. Everybody asked if I was ok and I said, "Oh... must have wiped my eye with my hand. Well... there's worst things that could be burning." Then I remembered that I just went to the bathroom without washing my hands and my crotch instantly started to burn. It was a LONG painful night.
 
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