I Would Kick Her/Him Out of Bed for Liking ______

[hogginthefogg]

Jonny_Paycheck said:I'm sure I've shared this story here before, but back when I was a young backpacking youth, I was pursuing a certain gal that had just arrived from ATL and was making waves in our little scene. the nag champa vibes were high. Well, I was getting some slight rhythm and one day we made it back to her dorm room for a little extra. She didn't want to go the full kufi, and I respected that, so we were just in croutons on futons territory. She offered a back rub, and being a connoisseur of the finer things, I couldn't refuse. Well, she dimmed the lights, fired up another stick of blue nile, and I prepared to press my boner into her bed while she kneaded my shoulder blades. She felt like, to really set the party off right, she had to put on some tunes... the opening strains of "Respiration" by Black Star wafted out of the Aiwa. I suppressed a chuckle. But it wasn't until she whispered "escuchela ... la ciudad.... respirando" into my ear that I realized it was not to be.




You have, indeed, shared that one before, but this retelling shows a certain growth in your writing.

 

[Jimster]

I have to agree with Harv with respect to the fact that I would never let the restaurant decor put me off the food, so to speak. Especially if I was really hungry and knew it was going to taste fantastic. I am happy to eschew cuttlery and crockery at that point.





I've endured The Lighthouse Family, Manic Street Preachers, Bauhaus, Bruce Springsteen, even the party-kryptonite that is Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car".





And the candles... Ooooooh, not the candles...

 

[SIRUS]

you have not smashed till you've smashed to "bela lugosi's dead".

 

[asstro]

Jonny_Paycheck said: But it wasn't until she whispered "escuchela ... la ciudad.... respirando" into my ear that I realized it was not to be.




Oh man, that is terrible. I was making out with a girl once when a car parked outside started playing Terror Fabulous "Action", and she decided to start a little song/dance routine for me. I appreciated the sentiment but this girl had a terrible singing voice, and neither the body (very tall and on the skinny side) or the moves to pull off the dance. It was a good thing when the car pulled away.

 

[HarveyCanal]

Okay, you trumped me, Jimster. I couldn't fuck to The Boss. No way.

 

[The_Non]

asstro said:batmon said:asstro said:





In college I went home with a girl who put on "Sexual Healing" as a mood setter, which had the complete opposite effect on me. She was a wanna be actress and I think this was part of a "performance" thing for her, but all I could think is "she cannot be serious". We were 19 years old, we didn't need some middle aged quiet storm slow jamz to get in the mood. At least I didn't. Anyway, I fought thru it like a champ (or a horny kid) and got the job done that night, but I never hooked up with her again.




You sound white




And yet I'm actually black. Shocking! I mean, word up my brother.

Yeah, I was gonna be like IIRC this dude is black, which makes this wild humorous


What would your opinion be of Let's Get it On?


Additional things I couldn't get with, but have yet to experience:


-Clown posters/memorabilia in the action room


Oh, I had a really hard time performing once to someone in the other room playing "Ladies Night" by Kool & The Gang. I kept laughing and my gf at the time was getting pissed off, and I'm like yo, cmon, this confluence of circumstances makes this at least kinda funny.





So more things that are a no go:


-Tons of cats (I consider more than 2 cats to be "tons")


-Ferret (they stink)


-I think most Tom Jones songs would make me laugh while trying to get down to bidness (I DEFY YOU TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR GIRL/GUY TONIGHT TO "WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT,", I DARE YOU, I DOUBLE DARE YOU!) At least Leo Sayer sings sensitively...


-I donno if I could have sex to swing music other than "Chattanooga Choo Choo," "In The Mood," or maybe "One O'Clock Jump."

 

[DocMcCoy]

OK, since we're all embracing the spirit of it...





My folks were away, my sister was at her boyfriend's and me & my brothers were throwing a party. I was 19, she was the smoking hot older sister of a guy I went to school with. I had never had the moves put on me so vigorously either before or since - she took me to my room. Drunk on my own glory, I decided an appropriate soundtrack was in order. I grabbed Sugar Minott's Black Roots...

She was out the door before the first verse of Mankind had even ended. Lesson learned.





I once spent an especially memorable night with a young lady whose preferred soundtrack was this. I stayed focused, but it wasn't exactly difficult.

 

[edith head]

J i m s t e r said:even the party-kryptonite that is Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car".




brutal! i can not picture having sex to that. i think i would feel really weird.

 

[Hotsauce84]

Twice now in the past week or so I've had to (stop myself from) read(ing) descriptive stories about Harvey having sex. And you guys are complaining about political threads?!?!





Also, quite the opposite of all this but it makes sense to put it here, an ex-girl of mine was getting all touchy feely while we were watching some ol' bullsh*t. For some reason, whatever it was had me in a zone so I kept brushing her off. She quickly changed my mind and earned my Hip Hop-heavy heart when she looked at me and said "THIS AIN'T NO MUTHA. F*CKIN'. CINEMA, BEEEYITCH."





We broke up over 10 years ago but truth be told, I never fell out of love with her.

 

[jjfad027]

white_tea said:





Shit was also rampant during the downtempo (aka "moody loopz") era of the turn of the century, everybody prefacing it with, "Look, don't get the wrong idea -- we're friends -- but I'm gonna put on this Kruder & Dorfmiester CD."




I used to mess with a girl that would throw on Chem Bros "One Too Many Mornings" whenever it was sexy time. I didn't mind but I thought it was funny that was her go to song.

 

[The_Non]

Louie CK's TV show on FX is a boneur assassin too.

 

[SmallAxeRick]

Tori Amos = not :hard_as_fuck:

 

[DJ_Enki]

Herm said:


Also, quite the opposite of all this but it makes sense to put it here, an ex-girl of mine was getting all touchy feely while we were watching some ol' bullsh*t. For some reason, whatever it was had me in a zone so I kept brushing her off. She quickly changed my mind and earned my Hip Hop-heavy heart when she looked at me and said "THIS AIN'T NO MUTHA. F*CKIN'. CINEMA, BEEEYITCH."







My friend busted that line out when we were hanging with our mutual friend/his friend with benefits and she suggested that we watch a movie. I damn near fell off the couch laughing. His FWB kicked me out of her apartment, where we were hanging. I suppose I had that coming, but holy shit, that was funny.

 

[doisn]

time ago i??d hung out with that damn hot bodied, stupid as bread, kind of euro-tekno-pop chick, she had such terrible sound i remember i??d to just get off, shut that shit up, get back into, uff, many times! once we drove out to the woods, after i had smoked a phat funky cigarette to bob which was oookay i??d enough and put on Hotsauce in teh dickhole by d-styles & q-bert while undressing on backseat. at that time i was really into that sound, she go it full length, at first she seemed a bit disturbed but in the end she loved it though.

 

[nzshadow]

1991.


Me - an impressionable record store part-timer, Her - cashed up MILF regular.





After purchasing a few top ten CDs and a couple of CD racks she asks me to help bring her shopping to her car. I oblige.





She opens the passenger door and leans in, her short skirt leaving nothing to the imagination. I am standing in the mall carpark a bundle of nerves - she is sexy as hell and I'm a babe in the woods. I place the bags in the boot and turn around, she has unbuttoned her blouse and locks her gaze. With a sexy smile she slides a CD into the car stereo and motions for me to come in. In that brief moment of hesitation, the music begins.





Tick Tock you don't stop, to the, tick tock you don't quit.





Color Me Badd - I Wanna Sex You Up.





I didn't.

 

[skel]

Three Sundays ago I met up with two disabled bisexual Indian girls who wanted a 3sm (multiple sclerosis forum hookup-R)


So one is oralising the bellend, other has my left nut in her gob and I am taking iPhone snaps at their behest.


All the while, a gay porn flick is playing on their beat-up Hitachi laptop. Midway thru, alpha-girl decides we must be accompanied by her favourite track of the day. Porn flick off, random Maroon 5 track on.


Instant boner softening style.


The crushing irony is that MS takes away the sensitivity but not the function, so we're playing this out and not feeling a single fucking thing, and there was no happy ending.


That is all.

 

[nzshadow]

doisn said:time ago i??d hung out with that damn hot bodied, stupid as bread, kind of euro-tekno-pop chick, she had such terrible sound i remember i??d to just get off, shut that shit up, get back into, uff, many times! once we drove out to the woods, after i had smoked a phat funky cigarette to bob which was oookay i??d enough and put on Hotsauce in teh dickhole by d-styles & q-bert while undressing on backseat. at that time i was really into that sound, she go it full length, at first she seemed a bit disturbed but in the end she loved it though.




:beerbang:

 

[nzshadow]

skel said:Three Sundays ago I met up with two disabled bisexual Indian girls who wanted a 3sm (multiple sclerosis forum hookup-R)


So one is oralising the bellend, other has my left nut in her gob and I am taking iPhone snaps at their behest.


All the while, a gay porn flick is playing on their beat-up Hitachi laptop. Midway thru, alpha-girl decides we must be accompanied by her favourite track of the day. Porn flick off, random Maroon 5 track on.


Instant boner softening style.


The crushing irony is that MS takes away the sensitivity but not the function, so we're playing this out and not feeling a single fucking thing, and there was no happy ending.


That is all.




/thraed

 

[fishmongerfunk]

skel said:Three Sundays ago I met up with two disabled bisexual Indian girls who wanted a 3sm (multiple sclerosis forum hookup-R)


So one is oralising the bellend, other has my left nut in her gob and I am taking iPhone snaps at their behest.


All the while, a gay porn flick is playing on their beat-up Hitachi laptop. Midway thru, alpha-girl decides we must be accompanied by her favourite track of the day. Porn flick off, random Maroon 5 track on.


Instant boner softening style.


The crushing irony is that MS takes away the sensitivity but not the function, so we're playing this out and not feeling a single fucking thing, and there was no happy ending.


That is all.




i think we might just have another author up in here.

 

[asstro]

Skel stays bringing the quotables but most of them are hidden in the Brit thread.